3/4 of the way through….
It’s the end of September already. Not unusually I am wondering where the hell the year went. It’s been a productive year of a different sort. For the first time in a long time I haven’t been focused primarily on a book or a project, but actually on my life: how I earn my bread and I how I spend it (both time and money wise). A nice change of pace.
I am now in the middle of my third year living in Amsterdam and am beginning to feel like I can stretch my wings a little bit. Which is why you will have seen the Creativity workshop come by and will see others. I have some plans to start doing more things in general, to tap into my old networks and skills set and bring some of that to life over here.
It is the ideal place to do it… a lot of people come through here regularly. It’s big and international enough to do a lot of diverse things, yet small enough to be manageable, to make an impact. A great combination of factors.
I am finally learning to slow down a bit and let things take their course instead of continuously trying to turbo-charge everything. I still firmly believe in action and taking it, but I am slowly learning that I cannot force things to happen. I need to pay attention to the ebb and flow that I exist in as well.
Teaching a lot of English is also seriously challenging a lot of my eyes on communication and how people relate to each other. The niceties of grammar versus the reality of understanding are a constant fulcrum upon which ideas are lost, made and broken. I begin to realise that in many ways, I have set things free over time that I had no precise understanding of… and that in other ways many people have misunderstood me completely because, well they just weren’t there at the time.
If you read my previous post about writing (click here) you might be forgiven for thinking I am depressed and have given up on writing. I haven’t. And I am not. I am just really taking a stock-check. A breather. Some R&R while I allow enough breathing room to see what will emerge next.
But I am dreaming about doing something nice with music and writing out in the public eye… not me exactly, but some kind of platform. We’ll see. I have some pieces of the puzzle, I need to piece together the rest.
The best part is I don’t feel anxious about this. My resting level of white-noise, environmental stress/anxiety has dropped to an extent that I can comfortably say I am actually quite relaxed.
To that I attribute two things: I am very focused on my secure source of income. I am not risking everything I have on big dreams. Maybe that means I won’t achieve big things. I don’t mind. I have a system now, maybe somethings don’t have to be all or nothing, survive or die. Maybe some things can just come into being.