Its 1 week til Christmas, which means 2 weeks until New year (and another 2 days until my love comes to visit me once again). Unlike most of the people on my Facebook feed, 2013 has not been particularly bad, or vanished particularly fast.
I wonder if this is because for me, the year has fallen into quite neat little blocks or sub years! January to April, I was in SA, basically going nomad around the country, having a sort of working holiday. May to August I was working in a pub in England. August to November I was traveling Europe and now until February, I am in Switzerland… my sense of time is different to when I was just in one place, doing one thing.
During the last 5 years of my live back in SA, my years were blurs of writing, working, playing music, launching books, trying to keep fit, socialising, and traveling… lots of different things. But all fit round each other like a jig saw puzzle. This year each thing has occupied a distinct space and has been individually focussed on… maybe this makes the difference.
Finally deciding on my day-dreaming about kicking loose and hitting the road has turned out to be precisely the best thing I could have done with my life. Despite the conspicuous successes, I was stalled emotionally and creatively and my work just didn’t seem to be gaining the kind of momentum that one would expect.
While I cannot as yet articulate exactly why this was, emotionally I understand it and I am moving on. In many ways, I had become someone who I am not. My rigidity of focus and structure brought me the 3 books, a documentary film and several important new benchmarks career wise, but it also resulted in a kind of stultification and a loss of spontaneity and relaxation. I consider it no coincidence that it is only now; outside of South Africa that I have found love once again after 6 years in the wilderness.
For me, 2013 has been an amazing year. It has been a year I chose. Some of its fruit have been somewhat unexpected, but this has also been its joy. At this stage I still have no idea of the detail of 2014. But unlike previous years, I am OK with that. I know where I will be and I know why. What I will do will come because I also finally know for absolute sure WHO I will be and that will be just me.